yeshhh the title summarise everything in my life now
i know that nobody reads my blog now cos i dun update animore
i just dun hv the drive to update n dun get the satisfaction fm doin so
so from now i'll just update whenever i feel like doin so okaes
anyhow i dun care if ppl reads or not cos i really dun care
well life hv been a total mess for me right now
its just a beginning of a new yr
n im totally entangled in my own nuisance life
everything i do n everywhere i go i'll be reminded of YOU
this is soo depressing sehh
i dun even feel like goin to werk anymore
cos firstly its becoming more tiring n the hygiene factor is missing
i dun feel a sense of satisfaction doin the werk
but then im too tired to find other jobs
which mostly hv to go thru job agencies n im really unhappy bout that
secondly the journey back home from werk is killing me slowly
cos the places that my bus pass by reminds me YOU n also my ex
the memories will keep playing in my mind
nn its really painful for me to bear
plus listening to songs in my iTouch
i'll somehow end up sobbing in the bus
i dun care if ppl notice it or wadsoever but i dun think they do
tell me how depressing my life is
i also realise that im trying to do things that i hv never done before
crazy stuff/decisions liddat
u know like how bella in twilight saga; new moon tried to do all the dangerous stuff just to be able to see edward's image
eventhough its just her imagination
i feel im becoming liddat
nn also i somehow dun care how i look or dress-up
like cant be bothered liddat
nn sab even said i looked like i just woke up (muke basi gtu) when i met her just now
i duno larr sehh
everything is soooo depressing u know!
im like really serik n pasrah over guys
stop entering our life if u wanna leave us eventually
!@#$%^&*
Mr S was my first serious relationship
n also my longest ever
he showed me the meaning of love,like n also hatred
my sec sch close frens shud know this person uhh
i glad that we're no longer together
cos of mindset is totally from 2 diff werld
its difficult to talk/discuss when it comes to WW3
all the blame is being pushed to me
nn another thing is it took me awhile to realise that
im actualli the third party which totally sucks big time larr
even my bestfren hid it from me
nobody knows how my heart felt that time
feels like ripping apart itself
wadever it is i thank you for (sometimes) being there for me when i really need it
thank you for the bittersweet memories
thank you for pampering me with material well-being n also emotionally
i cant deny i do miss u sometimes
nn now when i pass-by everyday the places where we usually hang out
but im done n over it
although it took me a freaking long time to move on
but i did eventually
all thanks to my current frens who gave me motivation n support
n also to my bloody buddy who gave me advice n scolded me
which gave me the drive to move on n forget him
after i hv finally move on with my life
Mr I decides to drop by in my life
which actually taught me some lesson
he come n go within that 2mths
i just hv to blame myself for being too gullible n trusting
but then i decide to let go cos firstly he had some personal probs
which doesnt allow him to be committed(but then i realise all guys cant hv committment)
nn also i realise he is still not over his exgf
prob im just a tool which he uses to try to let go of his past
which in the end both decide the whole thing just cant happen
after which i reminded myself over n over again to be careful
not to be tooo gullible n trusting
but then it happened again
like wadd the malay says 'pisang berbuah dua kali'
shessshhh
this time it was Mr E
it took me awhile to realise that i was the third party again!
wth did all this things happen to me again n again?!
i just dun get it n i cant accept it
actualli up till today he still hv not gain my total trust
n i do still hv doubt bout everything
i really hate it when guys are so good with their sweet thangs
but then this time i cant give up on him
cos he had made me fall deeply
nn its like almost impossible for me to pick myself up again
its gonna be a difficult path for me
in wadeva decision im gonna make
he had ruined my image of a perfect guy just liddat
haizzzzzzz
first when i got to know him when he was in the states
we had our first major misunderstanding/heartbreaking moment when he left for narita,japan
nn now he left to haiti without even taking the initiative to tell me
his fren was the one who told me after he had left
nn his fren was also the one who gave me advice n encouragement
"He's the right person for you but its not the right time. The more you love him the harder it gona be for you to let go."
after haiti he'll be going to msia
which i duno if he is even coming back to spore or not
he might be staying there with his dad n leaving spore for good
or come back to spore n continue staying alone
i dun even know the probability of seeing him again
but i guess the chance is very thin
everyone has been telling me to move on n forget bout him
but i just cant make myself to do it
nnn i hv not make my final decision
everything that is happening right now is super duper depressing
how can i forget him when everyday i keep going to places which reminds me of him
everything bout singpost reminds me of him
the moments when he pick me up fm werk
n also the first time we officially meet each other
the last min date at that place
the random meetup near his house
nn my bus journey home pass-by his house
which is even more depressing
tell me how can i forget him when all that memories
is being played everyday
im reallyyy confused lost heartbroken shattered n everything got to do with it
the more i think bout it
the longer i take to make my decision
the more depressed i become
severely depressed!!
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