hellooo to whoeva that still bother to come to my blog n read it

i know its kinda rusty now

but like i said i'll only update if i feel like doin so

cos its my life wadd

anyways its still not too late to wish all the chinese

A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

and to those couples hope u had a great V-dae yahh?

so wadd did i do todae??

just slack at home lorr!

watch the whole series of my girl but im still left with disc 6

while doin some handicraft which im into ritee nw

nn bump into my long lost twin brother, Hafiz at the nearby foodplace with his family

its been a long time since i met him sehh

rinduuuu larr sehh

so yahh that all bout todae

i noe boring kn!!

hahahahs

BUT me, my aunt n mum had made plans to go hols to a few places this yr

n im very sexcited!!

firstly im goin melacca nx wk with mummy n kakak

then it'll be genting highlands in march

nnn im super happy to say that sab is coming with me!!

yeahhhh!! *jumps-up-and-down-crazily*

am very excitedddddd!!

after that my family n my aunts n cousins are planning to go tioman in june

nnn we wanna go snorkeling!!

woohooo!

sound sooo fun larr!

SABRINA if u're reading this dun be jealous okaes?

cos i might be going KOREA in nov/dec!!!!!

WEEEEEEE!!

i know some of u will start wondering whyy suddenly im gonna travel alot kn?

i actualli oso duno whyy

cos prob im starting life afresh

im leaving all those nonsense memories behind

im gonna be a brand new person!

yeshhh thats my new goal

im willing to try new stuff

be more adventurous

and forget bout the egoistic species that exists in this werld

as u would know i hv ended my werk at singapore post rite on last fri

that was the day oso i decided to start afresh

and leave all my bad past behind together with leaving the job

eddy shall be my past n i would not brood over it again

im gonna get a new life n move on

AZA-AZA FIGHTING!!

nn as a new beginning i hv a new job too

n that is being a teacher!!

yeahhh! =))

im sooo looking forward to the rest of 2010!!

nn no werds could describe how much i love my bestfrens, my bloody buddy and my frenss!

they are the bestest thing on earth as compared to those jerks!

I LOVEEE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!

just when im getting over you

firdaus had to msg me n tell me stuffs bout you

whyy now fir?

isn't it too late oredi?

if u had told me earlier i might hv change my perspective of him

but now my heart hv frozen

he had made that decision and nobody can change it anymore now

whats done cant be undone

so what if he's regretting it all now

its too late oredi

i know you are trying to help both party

but im not sure if it'll be worth ur time

wadeva it is i wanna say a BIG THANK YOU

for talking some sense into me

and trying to help me to avoid all that unnecessary pain

but i guess im just too shattered oredi

nothing can heal this broken heart

its just too painful

yeshhh the title summarise everything in my life now

i know that nobody reads my blog now cos i dun update animore

i just dun hv the drive to update n dun get the satisfaction fm doin so

so from now i'll just update whenever i feel like doin so okaes

anyhow i dun care if ppl reads or not cos i really dun care

well life hv been a total mess for me right now

its just a beginning of a new yr

n im totally entangled in my own nuisance life

everything i do n everywhere i go i'll be reminded of YOU

this is soo depressing sehh

i dun even feel like goin to werk anymore

cos firstly its becoming more tiring n the hygiene factor is missing

i dun feel a sense of satisfaction doin the werk

but then im too tired to find other jobs

which mostly hv to go thru job agencies n im really unhappy bout that

secondly the journey back home from werk is killing me slowly

cos the places that my bus pass by reminds me YOU n also my ex

the memories will keep playing in my mind

nn its really painful for me to bear

plus listening to songs in my iTouch

i'll somehow end up sobbing in the bus

i dun care if ppl notice it or wadsoever but i dun think they do

tell me how depressing my life is

i also realise that im trying to do things that i hv never done before

crazy stuff/decisions liddat

u know like how bella in twilight saga; new moon tried to do all the dangerous stuff just to be able to see edward's image

eventhough its just her imagination

i feel im becoming liddat

nn also i somehow dun care how i look or dress-up

like cant be bothered liddat

nn sab even said i looked like i just woke up (muke basi gtu) when i met her just now

i duno larr sehh

everything is soooo depressing u know!

im like really serik n pasrah over guys

stop entering our life if u wanna leave us eventually

!@#$%^&*

Mr S was my first serious relationship

n also my longest ever

he showed me the meaning of love,like n also hatred

my sec sch close frens shud know this person uhh

i glad that we're no longer together

cos of mindset is totally from 2 diff werld

its difficult to talk/discuss when it comes to WW3

all the blame is being pushed to me

nn another thing is it took me awhile to realise that

im actualli the third party which totally sucks big time larr

even my bestfren hid it from me

nobody knows how my heart felt that time

feels like ripping apart itself

wadever it is i thank you for (sometimes) being there for me when i really need it

thank you for the bittersweet memories

thank you for pampering me with material well-being n also emotionally

i cant deny i do miss u sometimes

nn now when i pass-by everyday the places where we usually hang out

but im done n over it

although it took me a freaking long time to move on

but i did eventually

all thanks to my current frens who gave me motivation n support

n also to my bloody buddy who gave me advice n scolded me

which gave me the drive to move on n forget him

 

after i hv finally move on with my life

Mr I decides to drop by in my life

which actually taught me some lesson

he come n go within that 2mths

i just hv to blame myself for being too gullible n trusting

but then i decide to let go cos firstly he had some personal probs

which doesnt allow him to be committed(but then i realise all guys cant hv committment)

nn also i realise he is still not over his exgf

prob im just a tool which he uses to try to let go of his past

which in the end both decide the whole thing just cant happen

 

after which i reminded myself over n over again to be careful

not to be tooo gullible n trusting

but then it happened again

like wadd the malay says 'pisang berbuah dua kali'

shessshhh

this time it was Mr E

it took me awhile to realise that i was the third party again!

wth did all this things happen to me again n again?!

i just dun get it n i cant accept it

actualli up till today he still hv not gain my total trust

n i do still hv doubt bout everything

i really hate it when guys are so good with their sweet thangs

but then this time i cant give up on him

cos he had made me fall deeply

nn its like almost impossible for me to pick myself up again

its gonna be a difficult path for me

in wadeva decision im gonna make

he had ruined my image of a perfect guy just liddat

haizzzzzzz

first when i got to know him when he was in the states

we had our first major misunderstanding/heartbreaking moment when he left for narita,japan

nn now he left to haiti without even taking the initiative to tell me

his fren was the one who told me after he had left

nn his fren was also the one who gave me advice n encouragement

"He's the right person for you but its not the right time. The more you love him the harder it gona be for you to let go."

after haiti he'll be going to msia

which i duno if he is even coming back to spore or not

he might be staying there with his dad n leaving spore for good

or come back to spore n continue staying alone

i dun even know the probability of seeing him again

but i guess the chance is very thin

everyone has been telling me to move on n forget bout him

but i just cant make myself to do it

nnn i hv not make my final decision

everything that is happening right now is super duper depressing

how can i forget him when everyday i keep going to places which reminds me of him

everything bout singpost reminds me of him

the moments when he pick me up fm werk

n also the first time we officially meet each other

the last min date at that place

the random meetup near his house

nn my bus journey home pass-by his house

which is even more depressing

tell me how can i forget him when all that memories

is being played everyday

im reallyyy confused lost heartbroken shattered n everything got to do with it

the more i think bout it

the longer i take to make my decision

the more depressed i become

severely depressed!!

mungkin kemurungan ini adalah kehidupan yang baru untuk saya

dan mampukah ia merubah nasib saya yang sangat malang ini

jawapannya masih dicari-cari lagi

farewell 2009 & welcome 2010!!

keeping only all those happy good memories n leaving the rest behind

cos we're now in a new decade

am looking forward to the new year

cos i gotta feeling it'll be a good year

i dun really hv new yr resolutions cos

i cant be bothered with it or i'll tend to forget bout it

but i only hv 1 wish for 2010

which is to get good A lvl results

and hopefully get a place in the local uni

thats all i hope for

anywaes i know its been awhile since i updates

n im missing out lots of entries

i promise those posts will be up soonnn yeahh

heheheh

btw hv been going out everyday everyday this wk

with my mum n sis

n some of the days with my aunts,uncle n also my cuzzins

&& i hv weddings to attend 3 days in row this wk

shesshhh all getting married uhh

*thinking-and-dreaming-bout-my-wedding*

hahahahahs

niwaes gonna celebrate mum's bdae at sakura international buffet this sun!!

weeeeee!!

meeting all my aunts,uncles n cuzzins again

and its eating out AGAINN!!

but i duno wadd to get for mum

suggestions anyone?

nn i need to plan sumtin for mon too

which is my mum bdae

hopefully everything will go smoothly yeahhh

anyhoots i miss dear very the much!!

now its becoming difficult to contact him

i wish i can do something

but im in a difficult position too

i wanna nx wk to fly quickly plsss

btw im scared of making the wrong move again

is this really wadd i want

if you really love me then im sure u dun mind waiting abit longer

cos i wish to see this frenship/relationship blooms everyday

ilyvm!

i hate you, but i do love you

i believe in you, but i can't trust you enough

i feel like breaking down, but I'm still strong enough to handle it

i just want to give up, but i can't give up

i miss you, but i'm pissed with you

i gave you my trust, but you misused it

i trust you, but time and again you broke your own words

i feel so lost right now

i don't know what to do

i wanna cry but i can't

its all bottled up deep down in me

you said those words yourself

and i believed you

i'm still waiting for things that will never happen i guess

why am i trapped in such a situation again and again

i can't helped it but hate myself

for being so foolish and gullible

i don't know whether to give up on this whole thing

and not trust anyone anymore

probably you had your own reasons

but i have the right to know

you shouldn't have kept me in the dark and waiting like an idiot

so don't blame me if i'm ignoring you

cos i have been waiting all this while

all alone throughout this silent night

i miss you.

i like you.

i love you.

i hate you.